One on ones: Going deeper

Outline for some of the presentation that the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) Community Ministry staff person Phil Tom (pictured to the left) made to the deacons, elders, and others and the activities he led on Wednesday, February 20:

Why do one-on-ones?
1. To build and deepen relationships
2. To uncover self-interests
3. To gain clarity about yourself
4. To gain some information about the other person

Respond to the following questions (20 minutes total - 2 minutes each):
1. Where did you grow up?
2. What challenges did you face?
3. What from your growing up impacts you now?
4. What led you to your current vocation?
5. How does your faith impact your vocation?

Doing one-one-ones is not doing counseling, but to build public relationships. Public relation information is never used for personal gain.

Go deeper II [we didn't get to this]
Spend another 30-45 minutes picking up "bits" from the first conversation.

So what is a "one-on-one" or "relatoinal" meeting?

It's a face-to-face conversation between two people for the explicit purpose of exploring and developing a relationship. Done well, it's a conversation grounded in passion, vision, stories, and self-interest, NOT in issues and programs. At the end of the day, the goal is to increase the power of the organization (congregation) by getting the person - who presumably has somethign to offer (passion, a following, etc.) - to join the collective.

Probing vs. prying

You don't do relationship meetings for chit-chat. Nor do you get into them with the goal of selling something - membership or affiliation with your organization. Intead, you're going after a person's core, their spirit. You want ti know what makes them tick. Your'e looking for the personal stories behind their public persona. When probing, the most radical thing you can do is to ask the person "Why?" "Why teach?" "Why do you do social justice work?" To reiterate, relational meetings are NOT an indiscriminate search for information. You're looking for something very specific - talent, passion, vision, and energy.

- Adapted from the Center for Community Change Fair Immigration Movement's "Ten Rules for On-on-Ones/Relational Meetings"